I was at Cracker Barrel today, browsing through the candy section after eating a hearty French toast breakfast, when I came across a delicious "indie candy" called Mallo Cups.
Made by Boyer candy, these Reese's-looking chocolate cups are pretty great, and were introduced to me by an ex-friend not too long ago. They consist of coconut chocolate with a "whipped, creamy center." The center is basically what the middle of a marshmallow feels like. So I bought one, then ate it when I got home.
That's when I was reminded of the national travesty that is Mallo Cup money. The cardboard that these candies sit on look something like this:
The "money" comes in denominations of 5, 10, and 25 points. I was lucky enough to get a 25 point card. Seems like a lot, right? Wrong. Take a closer look at the fine print:
Yes, that's right. In order to get a $1.00 rebate, you have to have 500 Mallo points. This candy costs $1.19. Even if you lucked the fuck out and happened to get all 25 point cards in your quest for 500 point rebate supremacy, you'd still have to spend $23.80, and eat 40 (two in each package) Mallo Cups. Not to mention the .32 you'd lose on a stamp (or more, since 2o+ pieces of thin cardboard probably weigh a lot). Sure, you could always trade in your points for stuff in their catalogue, but no one wants to go through the hassle of ordering one, and their site is never updated. It breaks my heart.
A tiny, tiny part of me wants to save up 500 Mallo points, just so I can send them in and receive an official Boyer candies check. I'd probably frame it.