Thursday, April 24, 2008

Social Experimentation

Someday I'm going to meet someone that none of my friends at the time will have any way of meeting (at a coffee shop, concert, etc), and I'm going to be a totally different person around them. Like, really different. I'll have different mannerisms, different speech patterns, and different reactions to everything (this has to be with a type of person that I actually don't like). When I see them, it will always be one-on-one, and usually in private places to avoid me running into my real friends. They'll grow to trust me and love me as a person that I really am nothing like.
Then, I'll introduce them to my friends and act like my normal self. They'll freak out during this because I completely shifted personalities, and my friends will think they are fucking nuts, because I haven't changed a bit. They’ll think they are crazy, or think I'm crazy. The second is more likely.
Either way, it'll be entertaining.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Color Perception Theory

This is another old one, from May 31, 2007. I love this idea a lot.

Let us say, hypothetically, that at birth, you were born with an undetectable case of what doctors would eventually come to call “Photo Negative Colorblindness.” You perceive colors as the exact opposite of what they really are, but you have no idea you have this ailment because you were taught that the color that everyone calls green was really seen as the color red. For instance, when you were young, your parents would point to a red object, and call it red. However, due to your illness, you perceive that color as green, but still call it red.

So the average person, when looking at Figure 1, would see a red rectangle with a blue circle, but if you had “PNC,” when looking at Figure 1, you would see Figure 2 instead. You would still call Figure 2 a red rectangle with a blue circle, but you would unknowingly be looking at what truly is a green rectangle with a purple circle.
Some people begin to question life when I explain this to them


This was written almost a year ago (May 27, 2007), and is somewhat inspired by a Kurt Vonnegut book titled "Sirens of Titan."

We all exist. Existing is the one thing no one will ever fail at, but if someone does someday, it will undoubtedly raise some eyebrows in the scientific community. I can imagine people (mostly people in white coats with Patrick Stewart-style hair and glasses) scratching their heads, wondering how someone managed to stop existing altogether. This vision makes me laugh, because unless they can figure out how to make a person come back into existence, the person will be lost forever. Theories will sprout among the populous, about how this person undoubtedly walked into another dimension, a lot like the crackpot Bermuda Triangle rumors. I hope the person comes back into existence, so they will be hounded constantly by the media. I can imagine them on the cover of People Magazine now, the headline reading: "MY JOURNEY TO NOTHINGNESS AND BACK: How I Fought My Way Back Into Existence." They will be praised as some sort of bizarre hero, playing it off like they meant to stop existing, and they tried to come back on purpose. Of course, this will not be the case. I would especially love it if the person had a family, and kids, and in the aforementioned interview, their spouse said something to the effect of "I knew he/she was going to exist again, I just knew they were going to try their hardest." It will become the news story of the century, no doubt. Then the assorted family members will go on talk shows, their son/daughter will release shitty pseudo-pop albums, and then, finally, come the reality shows. I picture my imaginary family on The Amazing Race, personally. Or Survivor, where the person who disappeared says: "Well, I made it in the realm of the nonexistent for XXX days, I'm sure I can make it on this island for 30." They will fade, and People Magazine will disown them, maybe doing a 5 or 10-year retrospect checking in on the family.
This is exactly what sickens me about our society. We make heroes out of nothing. What would someone flashing out of existence do for us? I can see where it might help us get rid of some unwanted garbage and/or nuclear waste, but if everything that goes into this realm reappears like this person, we'd be fucked. And that is if (and only if) we discover how this paranormal phenomenon happened, and were able to harness it for our own trash-disappearing ways. That is really the only thing I can think of, besides maybe sending all of our rapists and murderers there. But, again, if they end up reappearing, we'd be fucked. Can you imagine all of our convicted rapists and murderers coming back, all in the same place, unguarded? It would be like a mass breakout from several of the highest-guarded prisons in the U.S. Once again, we'd be fucked. Royally.So if you ever disappear from existence, please, don't come back. Think of the rapists and murderers.


I think it would be interesting to live in a lighthouse. No one would ever bother you, because you are the one that makes sure boats don’t hit the shore and spill precious cargo for greasy consumer hands to grab at. Do you have to pay taxes? Hell no! You live in a fuckin’ lighthouse! Tax that shit, and you are risking the light “going out,” and a ship that is carrying 300,000 boxes of Cheez-Its crashing into the rocky shoreline. Now, if this happened, people would bumrush that beach and steal cheezy goodness by the crateload. No one wants to see that. It would devastate the small cheezy-cracker-eating community. They’d have to raise prices on the Cheez-Its to make up for the lost product, and only rich people would be able to afford them. Then, due to the bourgeois class no longer being able to consume these marvels of modern cracker-making, the people would fall into a great-er depression than the last one. The rich and powerful would enjoy the salty twang of these crispy, bread-like wonders, and the depression would continue to get worse (due to the lower classes becoming jealous of the massive Cheez-It consummation that they are no longer a part of). The company that makes Cheez-Its’ stock would shoot up, making those who owned its stock (likely still the rich), even richer. There would only be two classes in America after this: the dirt poor and filthy rich. No middle-class. No blue-collar workers. Just bums and billionaires. America would fall off the top of the richest countries in the world list, and the communists in China would take over. The world would eventually be won by these Asian bastards, because no one has any money left to spend on making nukes. They’re all out buying Cheez-Its. Then we’d all be forced to act, dress, and think the same. The commies will have won. Ex-President Richard Nixon would be turning in his grave so much that he would rocket the planet off of its meticulously placed axis, hurtling us into the fiery, unforgiving pit of the sun.
Moral of the story: don’t tax people that live in lighthouses.