Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Denny's "Rock Star Menu"

In an attempt to cater to the dying-out "rockin' young people" demographic, the popular late-night diner chain Denny's has started offering what they call a "Rock Star Menu" that contains four food and drink items designed by four awesome and terrible bands. Served from 10 PM to 5 AM, this menu contains items designed by All-American Rejects, Plain White T's, Taking Back Sunday, and Eagles of Death Metal.
I have decided to review all four items without even tasting them. Don't ask me how I did it, because I'll have to go into a long, winding rant about how I have magical tastebuds or something.

All-American S.O.S. (All-American Rejects) Sausage gravy, Texas toast, made into what looks like a burger.
Okay, so the first one looks...gross. Disgusting, even. It's like a southern homemade meal, with hashbrowns, Texas toast, gravy, and a sausage patty. It's basically an entire Grand Slam thrown on top of each other (minus the eggs). Meh, I'd probably try it and think it was alright. Hashbrowns aren't really my thing. I view them just like I do AAR: I know a lot of people like them, but I think they are pretty gross, and try experience them only once in a great while.

Plain White Shake (Plain White T's) Vanilla ice cream, cheesecake, white chocolate; topped with graham cracker shavings.
This looks like a plain shake, but it turns out that it is cheesecake/white chocolate flavored. I've experimented with oddly-flavored shakes before, and I'm not convinced they are a wise choice. I'm skeptical on this one. Sounds like it would be too much to handle. Just like "Hey There Delilah."

Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries (Taking Back Sunday) The inside of a bacon cheeseburger spilled all over French fries.
For some reason, I'm kinda shocked that TBS would have the least healthy item on the menu (though nothing at Denny's constitutes "healthy, even by the biggest strech of the imagination). I can imagine that everything that is located within your ribcage would ache after eating a plate full of these.

Heart On A Plate Pancakes (Eagles of Death Metal)Heart-shaped pancakes on top of chocolate sauce, covered in raspberry sauce and white chocolate chips.
This seems like it would be delicious, yet ridiculously filling. White chocolate isn't really my thing, but I'd probably make an exception for this. Out of all four things, this is the one that I'd try first, hands down. It figures that the best band on the menu would have the best item on the menu. Though, I'd be pissed if I ordered this and they weren't in heart shapes.
Apparently, they shortened Eagles of Death Metal to "EoDM" on the menu. Pussies at Denny's are too afraid of Jesse Hughes' creation, I understand. It's like calling "God" the "lord;" it's just a bitch way of saying what you really mean. Man up, Denny's. Use the Death Metal name in vain.

All-in-all, I think this idea is interesting, yet really tacky. Couldn't they have signed some better bands onto this idea? I think so. Oh well.
The menus will start appearing at Denny's nationwide within the week.

Found on Idolator and Metromix.


D. Ford said...

I think it's pretty sick that the Eagles of Death Metal are actually big enough to be recognized by a corporate conglomerate like Denny's.

I mean, yeah, it's bad that they "sold out," but whatever. I think if everyone listened to the EoDM, the world would be happier place.

T. Walters said...

One of those blogs that I linked to says that Denny's should branch out and sell albums and merch from each band.

I think it would be cool if they did exclusives.
Can you imagine going to Denny's to get an exclusive EP? I'd do it.
Fuck yeah.

Anonymous said...

Really great job on this one. One of my favorite posts.

D. Ford said...

Again, I'm afraid of The EoDM slowly going the way of the buffalo... but YES, it'd be kick-ass.

Knowing Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme, they'd probably end up singing about pancakes and heroin, which would be pretty hilarious.

T. Walters said...

Can you say best song ever?

D. Ford said...

in two languages, six accents, upside-down, backwards, and with a mouthful of milk!