We arrived at Denny's at 9:45 PM, 15 minutes shy of when they were supposed to start offering the menu. Our server, Barbara, handed them to us anyways, pointing to it and telling us that it was their "new late-night menu!" She was a nice, curly-haired lady, probably pushing 60, who acted bewildered when Jarrod and I ordered all four items off of the menu. Barb didn't seem to know what the "S.O.S." stood for in the "All-American S.O.S." I almost felt sorry for her.
Despite Jarrod's attempts to convince me otherwise, I decided to order the "Plain White Shake" along with our order. I wish I would have listened. Close to 15 minutes later, the shake came out, with Barb explaining that it had been "a learning experience" for her. Apparently, this was the first time anyone had ordered this shake.
Plain White ShakeTy: I loved the description on the menu, written by the Plain White T's themselves:
It's like drinking a cheesecake.
Thanks, PWT's. I would not have known that unless you pointed it out. Sure, all of the other bands had at least 3 sentences about the thought that went into their item, but not them. Douchebags. Anyways, after being forced to question our heterosexuality, Jarrod and I shared the shake. It tastes like a white chocolate shake. It isn't terrible, and I don't even like white chocolate. After stirring it with a spoon, a white chunk of something stuck to it, and I ate it. It was a mushy blob of cheesecake, watered down by the shake around it. I'm not sure if I'd order it again, but I don't regret at least trying it. Let it be known that I only tried it through a straw, save for my stirring experience above. I believe Jarrod tried this a lot more than I did, because I could sense that it would give me a horrid stomachache if I kept drinking it.
Jarrod: While ice cream isn’t your typical meal starter, en-tur-tain-munt isn’t your typical blog. Our first server, Barbara, brought us our Plain White Shake at about the same time that the lovely Andria was walking through the door, so our meal started off quite virtuous. I really didn’t know what to expect from this item, but I went in with an open mind. What I got in return surprised me. Although it was not as concentrated, it was what tasted like a liquid form Coldstone’s signature Cake Batter Ice Cream. Denny’s description states that there is an ENTIRE piece of cheesecake in it. Let me be the first to call bullshit on this claim right away. I chomped through one, that’s right one, minute portion of cheesecake throughout the whole shake, and to top that off, the flavor of cheesecake really didn’t mix well with the taste of liquid cake batter ice cream. Also, I highly recommend using a spoon during the consumption process due to the fact that drinking it the shake out of a straw seems to amplify the cake batter taste, rendering it almost too strong, thus making it less enjoyable.
T - 5.5/10
J - 6/10
During the time in between drinking the shake and receiving our order, the following things happened:
-They brought out three items that we definitely didn't order.
-Barbara left, and was replaced with a black woman named Fine. Yes, Fine. Jarrod flirted with her, several times.
-We had to re-order all of our items, and Fine apologized. It wasn't only their first time making the shake, but all four items. We felt special.
-Jarrod noticed a "regular" at Denny's named Rick. He had a grey polo on, and kept staring at his phone. He ordered nothing but water, and left an hour later. Weird. Jarrod thinks he worked for the company. He stared at us.
Next came the Heart On a Plate Pancakes: Ty: Designed by Jesse Hughes from the Eagles of Death Metal, these heart-shaped pancakes were supposed to have white chocolate chips, whipped cream, and raspberry sauce on top. Without these seemingly small details, they taste like plain pancakes with raspberry sauce. Nothing too special, at all. We didn't get any eggs or bacon, which kinda pisses me off. The raspberry sauce isn't bad. I got sick of it easily, though. It's really nothing all that special. I doubt I'd order it again, because they messed up our order and tainted my idea of this dish. I apologize, Jesse Hughes.
Jarrod: If you like ordinary, everyday pancakes, then you will take pleasure in chowing down on these because that’s exactly what they are sans the heart shape, the raspberry sauce, the white chocolate chips, the whipped cream, the strawberries, and the hot fudge. Well, maybe they aren’t so ordinary after all. However, mainly because ours didn't have half the shit it should have had on it, which was understandable because we were, in fact, the first people to order any of the items off of the Rock Star Menu, let alone all four, I was somewhat disappointed. Perhaps I was expecting too much, but I wanted something more out of these babies. Had I not been ordering and eating these for the sake of the blog, I would have told the waitress to hold the fudge and throw on some extra raspberry sauce, but I’m just a sucker for berries.
T - 6/10
J - 8/10
Then came Taking Back Burger Fries:Ty: Yep, that pile of shit is the burger fries. In the menu, Taking Back Sunday says that they hoped to replicate what a bacon burger would look like if you spilled it over a plate of fries. They succeeded, taste-wise and looks-wise. Though sort of overwhelming at first, they are still absolutely delicious. My only complaint was the fact that the fries get sort of soggy and floppy if you leave them sitting for over ten minutes, probably because of the tomatoes, pickles, and onions.
Jarrod: As can you can see in the picture, the Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries look somewhat unappealing, but, after you take your first bite of this cholesterol filled dish, your opinion will become completely opposite, that is, if you enjoy a classic bacon cheeseburger. I can honestly say that if I was blind folded, and someone happened to feed me a forkful of this delicacy, I would be inclined to believe that I was eating an actual bacon cheeseburger. Everything just goes together so nicely. What about the bun you ask? The French fries are an almost perfect substitute. My only objection was that the beef was somewhat low-quality, but it’s not like we were dining at Morton’s or Ruth's Chris, so I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. Once again, being the fastidious eater that I am, I would have liked Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries better without the tomato, pickles, and onions. P.S. A fork is necessary to fully indulge.
T - 8/10
J - 9/10
And finally, the All-American S.O.S:
Ty: What is easily the most disgusting-looking (and sounding) dish on the menu turned out to be the biggest surprise to me. I actually really liked it. Of course, since I have an aversion to onions, I had to scrape most of them off, but it was still largely enjoyable. The gravy and low-grade sausage patty complimented each other nicely, along with the Texas toast. I even managed to get some hashbrowns in there, and it was good. It seems like your average "diner" meal.
But after I went home, my chest hurt worse than it has ever hurt in my entire life. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I blame it on this, because it's the only one out of the four that has the capability to do such a thing. Despite this, it was still the best-tasting item on the menu, in my opinion.
Jarrod: One word: Indigestion. Seriously, fuck this dish. At first it [the dish] wasn’t too bad, but over time, as the toast sits in the pool of onion infested gravy, which is probably the best part of this item, but that’s an understatement, it becomes all soggy and extremely gross. Also, whatever was on top of the toast, being either sausage or a hamburger patty, starts to taste pretty awful after the first few bites. The onions did not compliment the plate either. The indigestion however, was the WORST part of this entire dish. I started feeling it at about 5 hours after eating the S.O.S. It wasn’t all that bad in the morning, just somewhat of a burden. Then, as the day carried on, it became increasingly worse, especially when I would eat. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it was almost UNBEARABLE. Perhaps the bolus of food lodged in my esophagus is trying to tell me and you something along the lines of: DO NOT ORDER THE ALL-AMERICAN S.O.S.
T - 8.5/10
J - 5/10
And the day after:
Ty: Uncomfortable, no appetite until the late afternoon, headache when I woke up.
Jarrod: Groggy, uncomfortable, unusually low appetite, and low energy. All due to indigestion.
So there you have it. Rock Star Menu, reviewed. Next I'll be sure to review food from a place that doesn't make me want to shoot myself after eating it.