Irrelevance (D.F. #1)

Sobriety v. Drunkenness
It’s an interesting debate, an interesting conceptual disagreement. There are some factors involved that we, as human beings, have yet to fully comprehend. Granted, food has an effect, as does water consumption, as does elevation, &c. My question comes with the presentation of “Tanks.” Throughout my escapades as a Northern Arizona University Designated Driver, I’ve met people who’re hugging toilets after two or three shots, and I’ve met those who manage to put away upwards of ten or twelve ounces of the same liquor, showing little to no side effects. I’ve discovered, recently, that I am one of these people, and the concept continues to bewilder me. Why am I, and those like me, capable of such madness? And how can others feel the effects when I’m just getting started?

Internet
The Internet has ruined our generation. Granted, there are resources that simplify our lives, but those that complicate us are far more frequent than the otherwise. I admit to using and referring to Wikipedia on a daily basis, I frequently use Merriam-Webster dot com, &c, but I resent the use of MySpace and sites similar. The concept of “social networking,” along with its bastard brothers and sisters like Fantasy Football Leagues, Last.FM, YouTube, &c. has, quite literally, destroyed our generation. Our societal connection to our friends, our music, our lives is relevant throughout life itself, but to exploit such connections, presenting them for all to see… that’s just irresponsible. Additionally, we allow these things to affect our lives, judging people by their MySpace layouts, finding friends based on musical tastes… and don’t even get me started on porn. We make and break relationships online, we circumvent what used to be the social phenomenon of shopping in real stores or meeting people in actual forums like coffee shops, bars, &c. all in favor of this new technology, the blessing and curse of the twentieth century: the Internet.

The Smiling Swine
A song by The Dear Hunter, presented exclusively on the album “Act II: The Meaning Of, and All Things Regarding Ms. Leading.” This song can, quite literally, take any negative feelings I’ve got and kick their asses. Never before has any song had such a positive effect on my life as whole, and never before has anything been presented to me with such grace. The ballad (I suppose you could call it that) opens with a powerful riff, followed quickly by a beautifully composed series of verses, peppered, occasionally, with an extremely lo-fi chorus, featuring counting, finger snaps, and irresistibly sexy shrieks and screams. The Dear Hunter manages to strike a chord in my soul that no song before it could manage to find, and for that, I say: “Thank you, Dear Hunter.”

School
I moved up to Flagstaff just shy of a month ago. I’m attending Northern Arizona University, majoring in English Education. Since I’ve been here, I’ve visited and/or patronized the local coffee shop (best nationwide, in my opinion) fourteen times, the rock climbing gym seven times, Applesauce (poetry, café, deli, venue, hookah bar) three times, and I’ve pulled four all-nighters (three of which were academically necessary). I suppose this looses relevance without reference to my time spent in class: three hours on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, five hours on Tuesday, and one on Friday (I apologize for the lack of chronological fluidity). College is fun.

Man-crushes
For the sake of admitting, for all to know: I have man-crushes. Adam Brody is an amazingly attractive person (completely superficially, of course). He’s a decent actor, but I get the feeling he’s a bit of an asshole. Then there’s Beck: a musical genius, a seemingly extremely nice guy, a relatively heinous individual otherwise. Sufjan Stevens is the same way, but he’s prettier, and his musical genius definitely rivals Beck’s. Jesse Hughes, aside from being gay (I’m pretty damn sure), is a stud. He’s got that rugged, raw charm, and his music is wonderful. Last, but most certainly not least: David Grohl. One of the best songwriters of our generation, an amazingly talented musician, and goddamn is he sexy.

Jeph Jacques
The author of Questionable Content, the catalyst for about 50% of my musical discoveries in the past two years, one of the funniest people I’ve never met, and the proud recipient of one of the most painful body modifications I’ve ever heard of. A 6-gauge hole, punched out of the flat cartilage of each upper ear. No stretching involved, this a hole, quite literally, punched out of his ear. It’s impressive.

Laundry
Laundry is a little ridiculous. I wear a pair of pants for a week, and I change out shirts every day, sometimes two. When I’m done with each, I throw them in a laundry bag and move on to the next: one pair of pants, five to seven shirts, seven pairs of underpants per week. When I run out, I do laundry. While I’m here at NAU, that amounts to about five dollars per Laundromat visit, which, considering my collection of shirts, is about once every two weeks. My beef is this: with the exception of underpants (which I understand, should be worn only once), I could manage to go a good month and a half without doing laundry by wearing the oldest pair of pants and shirts again once I’m out of “clean clothes.” This could keep me going for quite a while. They return to their normal size, they don’t smell, &c. I need forty-five pairs of underpants, and I’m good to go. (disclaimer: I don’t do this… I do laundry every other weekend)

Sounds
I like sounds. I have some favorites. I love the sound of a baby laughing, I love the sound of a match being lit (from a matchbook, not from a matchbox), I love air raid sirens, and I love feedback.