Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why I can't take Disturbed seriously


In the history of music, few bands have sucked more than Disturbed. If you are a fan, don't take this personally, but they are fucking terrible. But then again, if you are a Disturbed fan, let's face it, you probably don't know how to read.
But I'm not here to talk about their music. I'm here to talk about their image. You see, Disturbed has a mascot, creatively named "the Guy." You can see him up there, smiling menacingly. Looks cool, right? Wrong. If you said yes, you are a twat. He's a terrible mascot, even though motherfucking Todd McFarlane drew him. But as far as their "image" goes, that is only the tip of the iceberg.
Take this picture, for instance. Not one member of this band doesn't look like a stereotypical "hard rockin' douchebag badass" type that will drunkenly fuck your whore of a girlfriend in your apartment then puke J├Ągermeister all over your carpet. Wallet chains? Stonewashed, pre-ripped jeans? Button-up sleeveless shirts? I thought all of those things died with grunge, back in '96. I guess I was wrong. These guys are clearly ahead of the fashion curve.
And on lead singer Dave Draiman:

What the fuck are those? I'm all one for facial piercings, but not ones that make it look like I have the outline of a metal goatee. It's like those are the rebars set out by his facial gremlins, so they know where to grow hair. I really wonder how inconvenient those are. I can imagine if he leaned down to kiss a baby or something, those would probably poke it in the eye.
And finally, a music video.

Ohh yes. I'm not even going to talk about that laugh at the opening. But seriously, looking at the camera demonically has never looked so stupid. He looks and sounds like a terrible actor playing Satan in the Passion of the Christ musical that will probably be made eventually.

So I ask you: does this band intimidate you? Does this band scare you? Or does it make you laugh so hard you poop your pants a little every time you see them?

2 comments:

Tatum said...

I haven't laughed so hard in awhile, I love you Ty Walters.:)

Anonymous said...

That's terribly insulting. I didn't know whether to laugh out of shock, or tear my computer up. I love Disturbed, grew up on it, and I hate how people judge them. Instead of whining about how you don't like them, write about it, and do us all a favour. :D