Sunday, October 19, 2008

Small Soldiers

When I was a pre-teen, my favorite movie was Small Soldiers. For those of you unfamiliar with this film, it followed an average-looking and acting boy named Alan, whose parents owned a hobby/toy shop. One day, they get in a shipment of "smart" toys, released by a company that knows that they are dangerous. There are two teams, the Gorgonites and Commando Elites. The Gorgonites are comprised of a few different creatures, and are lead by the kind and gentle Archer. The opposing, evil team was lead by Major Chip Hazard, and had a bunch of human army douchebags in it.
But I'm not here to discuss the merits of the movie. I'm here to discuss the toys that they released with it. My favorite toy as a child, aside from LEGOs, was this:(Note: not my toy) Archer, in real-life. I played with this toy until his joints became worn and would swing around freely. The bottoms of his feet were worn down to the grey plastic, from having so many concrete battles with my other action figures. Even better, he was huge. 9 or 10 inches tall, if I remember correctly. I used to carry him around by the shin. Everywhere. It didn't matter if the old ladies at the doctor's office judged me. I wasn't embarrassed to show my love for a half-claymation movie that was totally badass. I didn't give a shit. Archer was a slim thug, and everyone knew it.
But sadly, I don't know where my figure has ended up. It was probably sold for a buck at a garage sale a few years ago, when my parents decided to sell all of my toys in a giant box. I didn't care at this point in time, because toys were "for kids." But he may still be lurking in my attic somewhere, buried underneath layers of McDonald's toys from yesteryear. Who knows?

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