Over the last few years, I've noticed something interesting about myself. As Halloween looms closer and closer, I slowly become more anxious. Thanks to a near-panic attack last year on the evening of the 31st, I now know why.
I'm not part of the semi-sparse "over 14" crowd that goes out on Hallow's eve, so I'm usually left at home handing out candy for an hour or two while my parents take my little brother out and about to get his unnecessarily large amount of candy. But being left home alone isn't what freaks me out. Hell, I'm home alone right now, and that just means that I can play The Mars Volta at ridiculous volumes. But it's the "handing out candy" half of the equation that freaks me out. I HATE doing this. More than anything. Ever. I don't know why, but I get incredibly sweaty, nervous, and embarrassed when forced to do this. Every year, I feel the seven year-old Spider-Man on my doorstep silently judging me as I shovel several "Fun Size" candy bars into his bag. He doesn't say anything (aside from "Trick or Treat!" and "Thanks!"), but I know he wants to insult my Reese's and Snickers. They aren't good enough for that motherfucker. His eyes say it all, even behind the mask that he's wearing.
That, and I feel even more awkward when I know the people that I'm giving candy to; even if I've just seen them about town or something. Seriously, thinking about it right now makes my pulse quicken and my actions become less fluid and more shaky. Am I the only person that feels this way? I get the sense that this is a serious phobia of mine, as strange as it sounds. I'm already hoping that there is a party or another sort of social gathering that I can be a part of this year, rather than staying home and being tortured by bucket-toting children in costumes.