Monday, April 21, 2008


This was written almost a year ago (May 27, 2007), and is somewhat inspired by a Kurt Vonnegut book titled "Sirens of Titan."

We all exist. Existing is the one thing no one will ever fail at, but if someone does someday, it will undoubtedly raise some eyebrows in the scientific community. I can imagine people (mostly people in white coats with Patrick Stewart-style hair and glasses) scratching their heads, wondering how someone managed to stop existing altogether. This vision makes me laugh, because unless they can figure out how to make a person come back into existence, the person will be lost forever. Theories will sprout among the populous, about how this person undoubtedly walked into another dimension, a lot like the crackpot Bermuda Triangle rumors. I hope the person comes back into existence, so they will be hounded constantly by the media. I can imagine them on the cover of People Magazine now, the headline reading: "MY JOURNEY TO NOTHINGNESS AND BACK: How I Fought My Way Back Into Existence." They will be praised as some sort of bizarre hero, playing it off like they meant to stop existing, and they tried to come back on purpose. Of course, this will not be the case. I would especially love it if the person had a family, and kids, and in the aforementioned interview, their spouse said something to the effect of "I knew he/she was going to exist again, I just knew they were going to try their hardest." It will become the news story of the century, no doubt. Then the assorted family members will go on talk shows, their son/daughter will release shitty pseudo-pop albums, and then, finally, come the reality shows. I picture my imaginary family on The Amazing Race, personally. Or Survivor, where the person who disappeared says: "Well, I made it in the realm of the nonexistent for XXX days, I'm sure I can make it on this island for 30." They will fade, and People Magazine will disown them, maybe doing a 5 or 10-year retrospect checking in on the family.
This is exactly what sickens me about our society. We make heroes out of nothing. What would someone flashing out of existence do for us? I can see where it might help us get rid of some unwanted garbage and/or nuclear waste, but if everything that goes into this realm reappears like this person, we'd be fucked. And that is if (and only if) we discover how this paranormal phenomenon happened, and were able to harness it for our own trash-disappearing ways. That is really the only thing I can think of, besides maybe sending all of our rapists and murderers there. But, again, if they end up reappearing, we'd be fucked. Can you imagine all of our convicted rapists and murderers coming back, all in the same place, unguarded? It would be like a mass breakout from several of the highest-guarded prisons in the U.S. Once again, we'd be fucked. Royally.So if you ever disappear from existence, please, don't come back. Think of the rapists and murderers.

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